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Most parents know that having less sex is part and parcel of life with a new baby.Yet when the children are a bit older, when we’re less tired and we have more opportunity to be intimate, we can look forward to our sex life returning pretty much to what it was pre-children, right? According to a survey carried out for Family Lives, parents having the least sex are the ones whose children are teenagers.
‘A recent Children's Society survey found that 70% of children report that their parents having a good relationship makes them happy - whilst only 30% of parents recognised that this was the case.’ The message is clear. This is a site for married or no longer married people to discuss their lives and problems.Feel free to say hello but please read the rules and be courteous to everyone.She adds that, while it’s never too late to put sex back on the agenda after children – even if you haven’t been doing it for years – doing so benefits not just you, but the whole family.‘It’s quite a common idea in our culture that you are somehow selfish to want a sex life after having children,’ she says.66 per cent of our respondents have teenage or older children, followed by those with children aged between 5 and 12 (49%).
Clearly, these parents aren’t struggling with sleep deprivation or exhausted by the demands of caring for a newborn.
Asking family and friends to help with the children to give you even a few hours alone together each week should be a priority. Even if not having sex has become an excuse, or a situation you feel you can’t change.
If there are resentments between you, it may be that you may need help from a person outside the family to think about ways of resolving them.
I put up with it at first because I thought things would get better when the kids got older, but they haven’t.
Most of the time we don’t mention sex, but if I bring it up she accuses me of being demanding and it ends up in an almighty row.” A huge majority - 86% of the respondents to our survey said they had sex less often since having children – and 73% said their sex life had definitely taken a turn for the worse since kids came on the scene.
One mother of two children aged 4 and 1 confessed: ‘My husband is always pestering me for sex.